Edgar Chiang

Parenting is a journey not a destination. Successful parenting is not finding a suitable parenting style for a kid and then just continuously using it. But rather, it is to change styles to adapt to the kid as he or she is begins a different phase of their life.

Most parents, usually older asian parents, prefer to adopt a paternalistic style of parenting. Nothing wrong with that. It is a style that comes most naturally to most parents and it is pretty effective most of the time especially with young kids. Paternalistic parenting entails parents telling what the kid should and or should not be doing, which is great when the kid is young, because it gives them a compass as to where is the "correct" direction they should be going towards. But as the kid becomes an adult, this style of parenting may cause some "problems".

For a fact, parents are going to have more life experience compared to their kids. But being an adult, the kid would want to be empowered to solve their own problems. And having more experience as parents compared to their kids just mean exactly that. It does not dimish the kid's capability in dealing with their own problems.

So unless of course the kid is doing something that is gravely wrong that needs immediate correction, as a paternalistic parent, instead of saying "You should/should not do this this this.", why not try saying "What do you think if this this this is being/not being done." or just "I think this this this should/should not be done.". Let the kid know your opinions but let him or her come to their own decision. And for all you know, now the parent's opinion is taken more into the kid's decisions, which is what the parents had wanted to achieve but initally failed because of their parenting styles.